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finding a friend Mood: depressed Lately I have been having an itching to reconnect with a long, lost friend. It really all in itself is my fault that he and I lost contact. It's stupid and I'll NEVER EVER forgive myself. He was my best friend and I fucked up. So, I tend to write him letters and then scrap them. I write and re-write these letters over and over again. I never send them because I'm too afraid to. I think about him everyday. A lot of things remind me of him...just the little things. Sometimes I find myself looking for him when I'm in Syracuse or hoping that I run into him while shopping one day. His mother (who was on of my bosses while I worked at Ace) now works at the local CVS in the pharmacy. I refuse to go in there because I'm too afraid to face her. I feel as though I've let her down as well. She trusted me w/ her son and I blew it. His sister also works there as a cashier -- I was once her friend too. I blew that too. I haven't talked to her since I stopped talking to him. I'm a bad person. My sister went into CVS a couple of weeks back or something and talked to his Mom. She asked how I was doing and told Amy to tell me to drop in sometime because she'd like to see me. I can't go in there. I CAN'T. I hope she understands. I suppose I just need to fucking grow up, huh? But really...Am I being childish? I would hope not. I'm just so ashamed of myself. I just want to melt into a puddle of mud so you can slosh around in my stupidity. 
On a lighter note. Justin and I signed our lease yesterday. The apartment looks great & we're super excited to be moving. This is the easiest move we've ever had (money wise). There's no security deposit since we signed a year lease. :)
And, and, and it's a pet approved apartment!! The leasing agent remembered that I said something about eventually wanting to get a cat so she got us a pet apartment! I was super excited and kind of in awe. I mean, wow! This lady doesn't even know me and she remembered that I wanted to eventually get a kitty! :) There are still some good people in this world (I'm not one of them).
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 <3--<3--<3--<3--<3--<3  Name: Emily <3--<3--<3--<3--<3--<3 Navigation: <3--<3--<3--<3--<3--<3 Other Journals: <3--<3--<3--<3--<3--<3 Local Links: |