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I'm an obese, paranoid freak.
Mood: content So, ok...the whole Biggest Loser thing is totally intangible. There is no way that either Justin nor me could be able to leave our life for 3 months and still be able to make it financially. Yeah, so...that's out of the question for now. Maybe sometime down the road...I'm sure there will probably be a Biggest Loser 3...4...5...etc. I've been thinking about trying the Atkins diet. Justin doesn't like the diet because it can cause gout, but I haven't really heard many stories of Atkins dieters getting gout or at least I haven't been able to find anything. So I dunno about that. I do know that I want to try this diet once and for all. I don't care if Justin doesn't want to do it w/ me or if he doesn't want to do it at all...All I know is that I am so unhappy w/ weight and I am willing to try anything to get rid of it. I fear that I'll only get bigger from here and I don't want that. I've even considered getting gastric bypass surgery...it's not like I can or would be able to afford it, but it works...Maybe I should just have my stomach completely removed. Just attach my esophagus to my intestins -- I'm sure that would work. Yeah, I'll keep you posted on the weight loss journey. I've been worried about paranoia...I think I have it. There are several reasons why so here I go... 1. I'm afraid to answer the phone (even if I know who is calling) and even make phone calls myself. I will do it if I absolutely have to, but most of the time I will have Justin call about things or have him answer the phone. I can't even order pizza over the phone...I mean, it's crazy too b/c like what is the person on the other end of the phone going to tell me? "Um, I'm sorry ma'am but we are out of Stuffed Crust for the night." It's so stupid, I feel so stupid. I can't call my friends b/c I feel like I'm just interrupting their lives and taking away from their social circles. I am even having trouble calling my mom. I haven't talked to her since last Sunday...I should call her tonight, but I just get all jittery and like can't call b/c I feel like I'm interrupting her life. I shouldn't feel that way b/c like I'm her daughter, but I dunno. These are the things I have to endure. I feel like such a freak too. I've said something to Justin about the paranoia thing, but I haven't went into much detail b/c he just seems to disregard the situation. So, he doesn't even know about the whole breathing thing yet. Maybe I'll try to tell him tonight. So, now yall probably think I've finally cracked, but oh well...I guess I really am a obese freak. Thanks a lot for your support. Goodbye for now. Emily |
 <3--<3--<3--<3--<3--<3  Name: Emily <3--<3--<3--<3--<3--<3 Navigation: <3--<3--<3--<3--<3--<3 Other Journals: <3--<3--<3--<3--<3--<3 Local Links: |